Category: Dating and Relationships
I thought I’d try this topic and see what we think.
In my experience, I’ve found that most people, men and women, don’t really want to be touched by their partners unless they are in the mood, or want to permit it.
If a person is sitting maybe on the computer working on something, cooking, reading, or any other activity, many seem to feel it is a violation of their personal space if the partner keeps fondling them.
What I mean by this, is playing in their hair, or hugging them, or touching them in general. Maybe the partner plays with your ears, your jeweler, if you wear such. The hands, feet, if they are available and intimate places, male female, but not necessarily in a sexual manner.
They might kiss the back of your neck.
I’m not sure if the desire to touch is specific to the blind, because I’ve not known a sighted partner who touches just to touch.
Now the desire not to be touched seems to cross over and it doesn’t matter if the partner who’s being touched is blind or sighted.
Many feel that if you’re not touching for love, or sexual reasons, they don’t want or require it. They will sit across the room, or whatever.
When they touch you, you understand they are now in the mood.
The other part of this is while being intimate, most only touch you as much as necessary, but not just to touch.
So, what do we think about this?
Well, I feel as if your take on this is a little limited.
One of my previous partners, who was sighted, loved more casual touch, both giving and receiving. She was actually sort of clingy in that respect. Now, I didn't mind all that much, because I'm similar. I'm not pesky by any means, but yeah, I like touch, in general.
I think everyone's different here. Some people absolutely don't want to be touched unless they're in the mood. Some people are horribly ticklish unless they're in that mood. By contrast, some people are naturally very affectionate even if they're not after much, and will enjoy both giving and receiving the sort of touch you were talking about. It's a spectrum, or perhaps a few of them tied up together.
Generally, my rule is a simple one. If someone is busy and/or tense, and I know them well enough to know that they just wanna be left to whatever they're doing, then generally I'll do that. And if they're more open to touch, I don't pester overmuch; I might, on my way past, give my partner's shoulder a pat, or lean over, put my chin very gently on top of her head, that sort of thing. I'm only going to persist if I'm trying to distract her, and I'll only try and distract her if I'm pretty sure I can get away with it (she's receptive, she's willing to be distracted, she's not upset, etc). If she's not strictly busy and we're, say, sitting on a bus or in a movie theatre or even just on a sofa watching a movie or something, I might put a hand on her knee, or hold one of her hands, or put an arm around her. I like sitting close enough that I can feel her body heat, and the weight of her against my arm or my side. I don't require this, of course, but I find it very companionable and will do it more often than not.
And as far as the more intimate sort of touch? That's a case-by-case scenario. I read the body language and tendencies of my partner first and foremost, because that's the biggest indicator of what will or won't work.
Clingy is a turm I've heard often used to refer to a person that enjoys touch and toughing.
Why should that need, want, or desire be thought of as such?
See, there are two connotations to the word "clingy".
One is literal. As in, the person likes being touched, likes to literally cling to someone they're close to, enjoys that proximity enough that they will seek it and encourage it a great deal.
The other is sort of negative, such as clingy behaviour. It's implied that the desire to cling is unwanted, or is over the top...and sometimes it is, but the word by itself doesn't have to mean this.
It's all in the context. If I were to say that I like a woman who's just a little clingy, what I mean is that I adore touch and enjoy a woman who feels the same way. It doesn't necessarily mean I want to be pestered relentlessly.
Now, on the other hand, if I say someone was "too clingy", then we're pretty clear on what that meant.
Sure, all true.
When people talk about clingy in the negative it is usually attached to a person that is over touchy.
She's too clingy for me. I need my space.
Not always, but I'm just interested in what people here think or believe.
I disagree in part, Wayne. When I hear the word clingy in a negative connotation, it can mean pphysical touch, yes...but it can also mean emotional clinginess, the sort of person who needs a lot of attention/reassurance/validation, to enough of an extent that it bothers the one who's being relied upon to provide those things.
I love touching and being touched. If we're sitting on the couch together, I want to be close enough that our legs touch, or at least that our hands touch occasionally. It's both comforting and reassuring to me. If my partner is sitting at the computer, my first instinct is to come up behind him and gently massage his shoulders. I'm not persistent, and most of the guys I've been with did like it, so I've been lucky. when it comes to sex, yes, I want to touch his whole body, explore, admire and appreciate him, showing him that I love the entire package. I'm not really in to exploring his face though. I do love it when we're hugging and our cheeks touch.
Sure, you have emotional clingyness, but that is a different topic.
I'm only interested in the touch aspects for this one unless someone wishes to open the other.
I have been around both types, those who enjoy physical contact and those who do not except when invited. I love to be touched, and I also love to touch. Anything from a friendly pat on the ass when I pass, to hugging or caressing for no other reason than to enjoy each other's proximity. When I was with a woman for a long term relationship who really didn't like casual touching, I found it made me unhappy. It is another one of those compatibility issues which is best to find out before commitment. A miss match is a recipe for friction.
I notice no women have weighed in on this.
I have never heard the word clingy used in a positive way when referring to emotional or physical contact. NEH-VER!
Right now I'mtired and hungry (which pretty much equals cranky!) and the idea of being touched irritates the hell out of me!
LOL
I think it depends on the task that I'd be doing (a kiss on the neck or a quick hug or touch while I'm cooking is okay, if you're trying to play with my hair or my fingers or feet while I'm cooking-hell no.
If we're sitting on the sofa watching TV, some body contact is nice. Constant "playing" is likely to be annoying. Also depends on the part of the body. I can certainly understand why people don't want bothered when they are reading. Reading takes concentration and that touch would be distracting.
I'll come back after I'm rested and fed and see if my feelings have changed!
I have some problems both physical, and emotional. Emotionally, I realy hate the constant hands-on type. I have to get to know you before, you start touching my back, or arms, or whatever. Also, touching scares me, because, if it's unexpected. It's a traumatic stress reaction, and not something I can control I have tried, but it's seriously upsetting. I not only grew up with fear, but lived with a man who scared me, and spent time with another guy, who turned out not safe.
Physically, I have a lot of pain, and react when touched in some places. My arms, legs, and back are the worst. If you get to my ribs, or chest, that's too close, anyway.
Anyway, between pain, and PTSD, pardon the label, it's a real pain, in relationships, because, a lot of blind guys I've dated, want to be touched. I only met one or two, that didn't.
Blessings,
Sarah
Snuggling up together, reading a good book and caressing one another can be wonderful. But if I'm studying, reading a book in preparation for an exam, I agree, it might end up just being annoying.
It's true that I don't like uninvited touch from strangers, or even people I know but that I'm not intimate with. However, when it comes to either partners in the past, or my husband now, I very much like to be touched, and to touch him. Sitting close while talking, reaching over to caress even if we're both on our computers, cuddling, whatever. We're both physically affectionate with each other, and like it that way. I would feel weird, not having a lot of physical touch with a partner. And I'm meaning non-sexual touch. But, sexual touch is wonderful, too. I don't really understand people who only touch what's necessary, sexually or nonsexually. I like that my husband enjoys touching me, and I him.
Like Gregg, when I either use or hear the word clingy used in the negative way, it tends to mean someone being emotionally clingy, not physically. Sometimes my husband or I are clingy in the physical way, but we don't see it as a bad thing. It actually helps our bond with each other.
Thanks for all the post. Please continue.
I like touch, except for when i want to be left the hell alone. This is mostly when im
busy...
My primary love language is physical touch, followed by words of aformation, so yes, I like to be touched. This primarily means my wife/partners I've been with in the past, but also stretches to others to which I am at least somewhat familiar. A touch on the arm or what-have-you is just fine. Strangely, I don't enjoy it when other men do it. There are a few guys at work who, when I'm just sitting and working will come by and give me a harty pat on the shoulder or a quick arm around the shoulders. That bothers me. If a woman did it, I'm not sure if it would. I think it's more the manner in which it's done. Women tend to touch softer, where as men's touches seem to be more sudden and jarring. SO it's probably not the men themselves, just that friendly roughness they use.
I don't like being touched out of nowhere, especially if it's fast and sudden and unexpected. If I was at a desk and someone snuck up on me and clapped me on the shoulder, my split-second desire would be to brush off the hand. I wouldn't do it, but for that brief instant I'd badly want to. And yet, if I was at a desk and my partner put a hand on my shoulder in passing, I'd probably reach up and give her hand a squeeze almost without thinking about it.
I'm pretty much on exactly the same page Alicia is, though I confess I like touch a little less if I'm physically ill, or really frustrated/angry, or both.
I don't react very well. I do better with someone talking before they touch. Even my professionals know that. But, I think part of it, is I don't live in the best housing environment. If I wasn't always tensed, I might do better.
Blessings,
Sarah
For me touching and being touched frequently is necessary and enjoyable in an intimate relationship. It is a natural way of expressing affection and for me an integral part of giving and receiving love. Just like breathing is essential for continuing to sustain life, mutual touching is essential for an intimate relationship to thrive in my opinion.
I agree with that. I like a softer touch myself. I'm also pretty light-handed.
I actually crave touch. This comes as a surprise to people because I react so
strongly to unwanted touch. It must be nonsexual touch with someone I trust. I
need to be able to count on them to stop if I begin having a bad reaction. Many
people seem to want much more physical contact than they're receiving, but our
culture has limited us by linking almost all acceptable touch with sex.
Thanks for all the post so far.
Gregg brings up a valid point. sometimes when I'm frustrated or angry, I don't want touch even from my husband. I'm making myself get past some of that though, because there are times that touch, even when I'm angry and initially think that I don't want it, will be the very thing that helps me calm down. Although unlike him, I don't mind it when I'm ill. I actually crave to be cuddled by my husband when I'm sick.
Voyager, people are often surprised when I like touch too, because I react so strongly to unwanted touch. What so many fail to understand is that the key word is, unwanted, or uninvited. My husband has every right to. A stranger does not. Even close friends have the right to nonsexual touch. But if someone is not a friend I know reasonably well, hands off.
When I'm ill, it's usually my stomach, as I have IBS. This means I often want to shift body positions because I feel restless if I'm lying down. So it's not that I'll get upset if touched, not by any stretch, but an extended cuddle is something that might be a little awkward because I'll forever be trying to get a certain body position...probably an elusive concept in that state of distress, I might add.
If I just have a cold or have a headache though, I'm more than happy to have a snuggle. I think I gave off the impression in my last message that if I'm sick, don't touch me. It's more that I'm a bit more finicky in general and might have to move or flip around. I'm probably a bit less tolerant to anything particularly interactive if I'm ill as well. Putting an arm around me to provide warmth (if I'm not too warm already, I mean), or gently rubbing my back, stuff like that, I'm all for though.
Touch is something I've sorta opened up about. I was never frosty exactly, but since I went years on my own not really being touched much, I got to a point where I became sort of self-sufficient. It was brought to my attention when someone told me how given a choice between a chair and a sofa, even with my partner present, I'd damn near always pick the sofa, which made even casual cuddling more difficult. It wasn't a desire to snub her, it was just...sorta what I'd always done, and I was too much of an idiot to stop and think and readjust at the time.
Speaking of touch in general, I want to sorta bring up a side question here.
So, I know everyone is different in what they will accept, by way of public displays of affection of a more minor type. But have any of you totals or near-totals (people who haven't seen much or at all, in particular) had an issue where you don't know how much is too much? For instance, holding hands is something I'll do, and something I like, but I truly don't know how often people do it, so I don't know how many stares I'd draw if I did it. Ditto a quick kiss during an embrace where I'm seeing my partner, or sitting with an arm around her shoulder. I mean okay, I know you're not gonna make out in a fancy restaurant or whatnot, but sometimes it's tough for me to know how much is too much, and I've always erred on the side of caution. So have any of you guys had the same idea, or have you always had a firm grasp on what is or isn't okay in those situations?
An interesting question.
I can’t answer it, because I once was high visual, but I’d like to give a bit of insight.
For the sighted, how much, and where seems to be a personal preference.
Even in fancy places, people kiss, hold hand on top, or beneath the tables, hug and such things.
Public displays of affection are personal, but they influence the people around you.
Either they will be upset by it, or think it is sweet, acceptable.
Sometimes if you kiss, hug, or hold your partners hand say in a bar, you cause a chain reaction, and other couples follow suit.
You can tell if you are causing others to be upset by facial or even verbal reactions.
What you do about it depends on if you care or not about the opinion. I never did.
Thanks for the posts all.
I’m enjoying the feedback here, and do not wish to guide it, or debate it. Others may of course.
I’d like to pose a concept.
For lovers/partners it is said they should feel as if they are joined together.
If your partner is like your right hand, joined to you, wouldn’t touching them be natural and not require any permission? How often to you worry about kissing, touching, stroking, or whatever it moves you to do with or to your right hand?
You also have a natural reason built in, in that, if your right hand is injured in some way, you aren’t likely to expect it to be able to perform the same task as if it were healed. Your natural reaction is to help it get better, and not touch it in the sore spot unless it feels good to do so.
Your right hand never refuses you. It understands that if it is doing a task, you’ll only take up a little of its time to stroke it before you let it get back to the task.
Your right hand doesn’t have a space, nor feels violated ever.
Is it unreasonable to expect the same from your lover/partner as you do your right hand?
I'm very much about physical affection. That's one thing I look for in a potential romantic partner.
hmm.. I liked to be touch by my partner "wife Kimberly" others no. I'll be somewhat okay beeing touched by the female gender but male, absolutely not.
well i really agree with pasco
for me, i love so much to touch and to be touched even if it is not sexual but to me touch is not just a way of exploring a person, but it is a way to show your intimacy i love someone to touch me as well and i would not be happy with a partner who dislikes it.
I don't see it distracting or clingy when you are busy doing something
the only thinng
Touch for me is extremely important, particularly when I'm upset or having a difficult time getting to sleep. It works so much better than medications, but as I do not have regular access to a human teddy bear, I may have to settle for one of those weighted blankets. Pressure from one of those on certain areas of the body is supposed to trigger the release of certain hormones in the brain that aid with calming anxiety and stress. In short, it's supposed to simulate a firm hug, only all over you instead of just where a pair of arms would normally hold on.
Even if I'm working with a teacher, (in this case violin), something as simple as bow arm or wrist manipulation on his part to show me something that may help with bow arm development is enough to calm me, which has led to infatuation with his hands.
touch from males I trust and know well is quite calming, but as previous posters have said, unwanted is absolutely not okay.
From female friends, a pat on the back is acceptable too, but I don't hug them too much.
I can't stamd being constantly touched, but I enjoy some casual stuff.
Thanks for all the post so far.
Gregg, to answer your question about PDA. Over the years, especially when I was younger, I asked a lot of questions of my sighted friends to get their opinions on what was or wasn't too much. I tended not to ask family, because theuy had a way of lecturing, and because I noticed their standards for what was acceptable for me vs. for my sisters was often different. So, I asked friends I trusted to be honest with me. The general consensus was that holding hands was ok at just about any time, as is sitting with an arm around your partner. Same with a quick hug or kiss. But on the flipside, the consensus seemed to be no extended hugging and holding, or extended kissing, unless you wanted to draw some odd looks. That was always tempered with the disclaimer that a lot of it came down to personal preference, as well as setting. More was acceptable if you're just hanging out with friends than if you're attending some formal dinner, for example. So, I tend to stick with holding hands, or sitting with an arm around. A lot of it has become intuition at this point, but I have still told a couple friends to let me know if they see something they'd consider out of line. None ever have though.
Good points Alicia.
Absolutely no PDA for me. Its just, unprofessional or something.
Not coming across as offended, just articulating my thoughts. I feel my situation described above with regards to help from a teacher does not fall under the adjective unprofessional. If I look puzzled, what is he supposed to do? Descriptions are useful, but I'm more of a hands-on person in some instances; I tend to understand things better with that kind-of help.
If I had a significant other, hand-holding and the occasional hug is fine. tonsil hockey should be reserved for behind closed doors.
I'm generally an affectionate person. I see nothing wrong with it, for me touch is another way of communicating or being close to someone. I enjoy it for its own sake, and it doesn't have to go any further. I also feel there is a time and place for everything, depending on the situation.
Most primates touch each other quite a bit, probably more than most of us would be comfortable with. But only among humans are there apes that are touch-averse. I never read of touch-averse chimpanzees in Jane Goodal's writings, or heard of touch-averse bonobos or even gibbons.
We complicate everything. Or almost everything.
I'm with Louisa. And Leo's also right about humans unnecessarily complicating a lot of things.
I don't mind being touched, if I'm watching a video or on the computer. I
don't mind at all. Now, the only time I mind this is if I'm in a rush of activities,
usually I try to get everything done when I'm not in pain or fatigued. So I
don't want to be stopped just to give you a kiss, I can when I'm done. Or
when I'm in the middle of something important, I don't want to be touched
either. Besides those two situations, I do not mind.
I think it depends on the girl, how comfortable she is around you and a health
amount of respect for her boundaries.
I try to make it as comfortable as possible for whatever girl I'm seeing and not
do anything that would go outside of her boundaries. Like some girls like to be
spanked randomly and other girls just want a little hug from the back, to let
them know you are around. It just depends on how you go about it. Any girl is
going to respond offensively if you are being too aggressive.
But, for me that is the problem as I see it.
If we are supposed to be lovers, we've been having intimacy, sharing things, why do we even have boundaries when it comes to touching?
If you have to be thinking all the time, now, is it the right time, or how should Itouch touch him or her, or can I even sit next to him or her now, or whatever, it is restrictive to me.
If you are, for example sharing the same bed, you have to sleep thinking kind of. Oops, I forgot, can't rub him or her with my foot.
It just isn't for me I guess.
Thanks for your post and thoughts.
Smile.
Wayne, it is true as you say, but some of us have merely grown accustomed to others' rules like this.
I am totally not a fan of touch by anyone--I sometimes let people close to me show me affection but moreso because it makes them happy, not because it does anything for me. I hug people I'm close to and I like hugging them. That being said, I've honestly never understood how some people are so into touch just as like, a normal activity.
For me it is simply my connection to my lover. Touching them does lots for me, and when they touch me, it does much for me too.
Here's an odd thought.
It seems people give pets more leeway when it comes to this sort of thing then they do lovers.
If you have a dog, or a cat, I've never noticed anyone rebuffing them when they plop down in the lap, or stick the nose in the hand, or whatever.
People are always rubbing, petting, sweet talking to pets.
I wonder why that can't cross over for lovers?
As to becoming accustomed , I've tried to not touch, but I find it is something I can do, but it makes me feel stressed.
If I am not allowed to touch my lover, then it is better for me to just be alone. If I'm alone and there not around, I don't have the issue.
If a person feels that they don't like touch, a relationship with me is simply not possible.
That is strong, but as I say, I've tried, and it just doesn't work.
Thanks for all your post and thoughts.
Okay, Wayne. Let me say this about that. Laughing. When I had a guide dog, I must have been really mean because I did not allow her to go around sniffing crotches, neither mine nor anyone else's. Nor did I allow her to jump up on me or anyone else as she pleased. Nor did I like for her to lick me all over my face. So your point about allowing pets more freedom for contact than we allow our partner is not exactly true. Some of us do and some of us don't. Personally I really enjoy being touched and touching often too. But I respect the right of others to set boundaries. I am not so rigid as to say that I would limit myself to only those that like touching as much as I do, but I will say that I will be selective enough to match with someone that comes reasonably close to my own desires.
To me it's weird that people like touching so much. There are times that as I said I don't mind being touched, but most of the time I'd rather just keep to myself. Maybe that's one reason I love being single: because I don't have to worry about being touched when I'm doing something in the kitchen, on the computer or reading a book. To me it's rude to touch me when I'm doing things. Even when I've been around people I'm attracted to and a guy holds my hand, he's always the one who reaches for my hand. The thing is though, I don't see a need for me to try and change this about me, just as I wouldn't try and change those who love being touched.
I don't like to be touched or hugged by strangers or even acquaintances. But with a
partner, I love touching and closeness. Something as simple as legs touching while sitting
on the couch or holding hands. Or coming up behind them and hugging on them.
Well, Lalady, I've honestly given that respecting boundaries a try, and it just leaves me irritated.
I am not an extreme toucher, and I am reasonable, but I'd not find a person that had a problem with it to even be close in what I'd be looking for.
So, I guess if she was say like Chelsea, it be a deal breaker.
Now, we could be friends, but never serious lovers, or in a situation were we lived together.
I strongly agree, I'd not want to be trying to change a person who just didn't like it as she stated.
Guess I too would simply have to remain single and see a person like that on a casual bases when they were looking to be petted.
Laughing.
As for dogs licking faces, and such, nasty to say the least.
I'm not sure if I've known anyone that extremely in love with the pet, but I've seen them sleep in the bed, eat out of the dishes and get petted often.
Some of the same people that do this really don't like to be touched. I found that interesting.
Smile.
Thanks for all the recent post. I find your thoughts interesting.
Wayne, I did not mean to imply that limiting the degree of or frequency of touching and respecting boundaries are the same. This is what I meant. Even though I really enjoy being touched and touching often, there are times when I might need some space. For example, if I am doing something that requires all of my attention and since I am not a multi-tasked person, I would hope that my partner would respect my request to wait a bit til I have completed my task. Certainly I am flexible enough to do the same for my partner. Being flexible is essential for a healthy relationship. In fact, in my opinion flexibility is an integral part of love.
Ah, in that case Lalady, I strongly agree. That to me is what I think of as reasonableness.
Now, in the case or things Chelsea posted about, I'd absolutely be unable to comply.
Sometimes I'll be walking by, and just squeeze a shoulder, kiss the top of her head, or put my nose in her hair for a bit.
Heck, if her feet are bare, I might even kiss them if they're on an easy level to get to. Laughing.
I've thought about this as something that helps me connect due to being blind, but I had to discount it.
When I was higher visual, I still needed to touch.
I'll confess, and I think I did earlier, it has been a thing a rough spot in relationships I've had.
Folks just don't like to be handled, kissed, smells, tasted, to much.
When a person says they don't desire it as Chelsea has, I know right away, we'll never make it.
No matter how interesting she might be.
She'd probably advise me to get a dog.
Laughing.
Thanks for the post.
I petted my dog a lot because it satisfied some of my desire for contact and it was safe.
Dogs lack hands and hands were responsible for most of my bad nerve reactions.
Well Chelsea, you don't need to change. it is who you are, just as it is how we who like to be touched are. You likely have other things in a relationship, romantic or otherwise that you enjoy just as much as we enjoy touching. It's normal, and I personally don't think it is linked much to blindness. You find it "weird" because it's simply put, not your cup of tea. Sadly people often consider things strange, different or wierd when they can't relate to them. Heh, look at how the sighted world as a collective views blind people. But to many others showing affection through touch is completely normal. For the record, I don't find it "weird" that you don't like it. Like I say, it's just an aspect of your personality - what makes you "you".
I would agree. Cheslea's not weird at all.
I'd even venture she is normal, as far as that goes in our society.
I'd say I and the hand full of others that enjoy touch from lovers were in the weird group.
I've know many couples that just don't seem to touch, or desire it at all unless they are intimate.
At that time they've got to touch in some fashion.
I can't say they don't like it, I can only say, they don't seem to need, or desire it.
Of course, this is only in my experience.
I have friends that don't really know what there lovers bodies are like.
What I mean by that, is they don't know if they have scars, or whatever.
A male friend came over with his girlfriend one day. I shook her hand, and noticed she had marks on her wrist. I asked about them and he said he never noticed.
He explained he only touched her enough to find the parts he needed.
I found that interesting.
Thanks for all your post.
I find that remark by your male friend insulting, not particularly interesting Wayne. It's somewhat indicative of those males that just want to satisfy their own sexual hunger without giving any thing back. Uggg.
Wayne, those of us who like touching are not weird either. People are different. I have been with women who do not like touching. They aren't weird, but as with you, they are not in step with me at all. I have known women who love touching and that physical closeness. That is also not weird. It is more to my liking though, so I would gravitate to them.
I tend to think nothing is weird, but folks like to label stuff.
If I had to lable one or the other, I'd say folks that really enjoy touching are the minority. At least as I have found anyway.
That male friend wasn't the only person to make these remarks.
I've had female friends say, they just simply didn't wish to be bothered by it, so sort of the same.
I didn't ask her, but maybe she too didn't want him exploring her to much, so they were par for each other?
It seems the one subject that needs discussion if one or the other really matters to a person before they get involved.
On both sides, it can cause much tenchen.
Thanks for all the post.
I totally agree with you Wayne. Touching is way up there on the list of things to discuss to determine compatibility.
I really do believe so.
At least it has been extremely true for myself.
Even when discussed, I think people believe they might enjoy it, or say they do, but after the fact, really don't.
My personal experience has brought up the defenses.
I have a right to say when or when I don't want to be touched.
I have the right to my personal space.
It is embarrassing when others are around.
You should respect me, or my needs, or lack there of.
Other things, but that is a list off the top of my head.
You know, all are absolutely true, however, if all these things really matter when it comes to your closest person, to the degree you are always needed to defend them, then you really don't care for it, and should say so.
I personally believe in this reguard, I belong to my lover, and her need to take whatever touching gives from me is first, and important.
Sure, some reasonableness goes, but after that, I just don't believe I should be off limits at wims.
I guess I sort of feel it is why she has me, and why I should be open and available to her in this.
How much, if you really think about it, does it take to allow someone to give you a rub on the head, or a kiss on the back of your neck, or a hug?
How much does that really take up in your personal space or time?
Thanks for the post.
Yes, I am arguing for
the side of complete openness and giving in this reguard.
Smile.
Wayne, it takes up a lot of my personal space when I don't want to be touched. That is the whole thing here at least for me: this is about being able to have a say when someone is going to come into my personal bubble. Personal meaning it's mine...and just as a person I date isn't "mine" my body is not "theirs" to do with as they please whenever they please.
And, like I say, many agree with your statements whole heartely Chelsea.
I personally don't see it as an invasion, it just doesn't bother me at all.
I honestly enjoy it. It lets me know my lover is thinking about me and cares enough to show it.
I've given this subject much thought over the years of dating, and I am stuck in my rut.
Laughing.
I'm back to my friends statement, and I don't believe he meant to offend or insult.
I was in one of my reflective moods when I asked the question, and he gave me an honest answer.
If you think about it, how many people actually touch during lovemaking?
I don't mean a hug, or needing to brace yourself, or the parts that are required, but actual examination, or stroking of your lovers complete body?
How many people know how many scars, or notice when there lover has a new scratch, or whatever someplace?
If not told, do you notice if a woman has a pettycure, or if she's got hair at the base of her back?
If asked, could you say if your lover had a misquito bite two days ago?
How about moles, or a small sticker on say the bottom of the foot?
I'm not being silly. I really wonder if people would even notice?
This might go in the fettish category instead, but I have a thing for woman with very long straight hair. I love feeling that.
Personally, people I've been with notice all the scars on my body. You kind of can't help but notice them though.
Ah, then you've got some touchers, or scars in the easy places.
Laughing.
Thanks for all the post.
I'm late to this, but I welcome any touch any time from y partner; mmm bring it on. It's best if it's just random like when you're working at the computer and all of a sudden, he comes and cuddles, kisses you or anything else. yeh yeh yeh yeh!
i'm generally not a touchy person. i find that some sort of invation of my personal space. same with hugs, as much as i give virtual hugs, i probably won't able to do that in person, unless i know them well. as far as relationship is concern, that got to depends on how strong and how deep the relationship goes. either he got my consent or nnot. of course, he doesn't need to ask for consent every time to touch me, but at the beginning, consent is needed at least. that is not just a matter of distant, it is also the matter of respect. he respects what we have between us, and the relationship.
Now, the virtual hug. That's something I've never quite gotten. Whenever I see *hugs so and so* or especially *huggles* which is apparently still a thing sometimes, I just scratch my head and wonder why, oh why.
Well, same here, but I understand it.
I guess people feel it is nice.
Thanks for the post.
it is just a nice friendly thing. just like saying hi or all that stuff. after all, it is just a virtual space. i suppose, no different from those that does virtual sex and all sorts of virtual stuff.
Plus if one is at all empathic, a virtual hug can actually be a comfort.
Is that really a thing? Not asking about being empathic, but seeing the word *hugsand gaining pleasure from it?
I think of it like this. Sighted people enjoy seeing a smile on someone's face. It generally brings a pleasureable feeling. So when I get a virtual hug or smile from someone on the zone, it makes me feel good too.
Oh, I forgot to smile. So here's a smile coming to all of you reading this. Hope it makes you feel good. Smile.
To me when I see a smile online, especially if I don't know the person, I find it weird rather than endearing.
I use it all the time.
Not the hug, but the smile.
When I see it, it makes me feel as if the persons smiling.
I learned the trick from chat sessions with customer services reps. I felt like we were communicating and that they were happy to be helping me.
So, I smile.
Hugs, I only send these to people I'd actually want to hug.
So, I can understand.
You know emoticons, or emergies are popular for the same reasons.
Thanks for all your post.
lol you don't use smile, you use laugh.
laughing
Um. Lol
Giggle.
And believe it or not, when you see me say laughing, I'm physically laughing.
Call me crazy, but I find many things just flat out amusing.
Makes my day and life worth the while to laugh.
I've been asked in the really world, why are you laughing so much?
Well, I can't see were frowning, or feeling sad all the time or serious is worth my time.
People say somethings wrong if you seem to be always happy.
Sure, it is.
One day I've got to die, so I'm sick with making all my time on this lovely earth pleasant.
So, when near a woman I particular like, love, and generally enjoy, I want to enjoy her as much as possible too.
So, that touching stuff again.
Laughing.
Thanks for the post.
I've never had a problem with getting touched. Interesting how some people have a problem with it though.
what about those blind people that like to touch and grobe at anything and everything, anyone at everyone? and they think that since they are blind, they can get away with it? that is the number one turn off for me.
That is not touching in the way we are discussing. That is asalt. It is a violation and not acceptible in any way. Even among those of us who really like touching and being touched, there must be respect and an implied invitation.
Amen.
Amen again.
No, that's not touching, that is pestering.
I suppose people staring at someone is sort of similar too.
Just because you can see is no excuse to ogly someone with your eyes.
I definitely like a woman who likes to be touched, though I'll definitely not disagree that there are times when I like to have my own space. But I agree about longer hair. There's little I find more relaxing than running my hands through a girl's hair or having my partner do the same to me, especially during a cuddle session while watching a movie or listening to music.
I'm all for touching, along with great converrsations, she can touch me anytime. Of course, if i'm concentrating on something important.
Hi, I do think that touching is important thing in a relationship.q